#he's such a yapperrrrr

[encyclop3dia]

fine shyt is a sweetheart and fundamentally good person

[conceptofjoy]

dirk’s a fake intellectual you would habe to drag him crying and screaming to a lecture of any kind. ON the other hand, he will be there on that stage preaching.

[juminies]

hi, any thoughts on jumin and rika and how he saw her? i love your jumin takes so i'm very interested in hearing your opinion on this

Hi! This is one of those things I've been meaning to talk about forever but never really had the motivation to get around to writing about, so you've opened a door for me to finally attempt to get my thoughts down. Sorry if it's a little muddled or convoluted :')

Disclaimer I will be ignoring the existence of the ssum because even though I know there has been Jumin and Rika related shenanigans over there they are not part of mystic messenger canon to me whatsoever 💜

I have always felt as though when it comes to Jumin and Rika’s relationship in particular a lot of people look at them far too simply without considering, in particular, Jumin’s view on love and human connection in its entirety—the fact that prior to his route he has not witnessed healthy love up close his entire life (including the "love" between V and Rika, even if they seemed good together on the surface). He is, as such, very hesitant to get close to it, and doesn't think about it as a realistic scenario for himself despite his admitted loneliness.

Jumin is very averse to making new connections in general; he struggles socially, is used to being viewed as something people can use for their own benefit rather than his own person, and V is the only real friend he has ever made of his own volition. Consequently his adoration and loyalty for Jihyun were bound to extend to anyone he loved too, and it just so happened that the person V loved was Rika, who confronted Jumin in a way that even his lifelong best friend didn't. There was a level of emotional vulnerability with Rika that V—like Jumin—was uncomfortable expressing, and so she brought out a different (new) side of Jumin. It wasn’t entirely one-sided either, as Rika also confided in Jumin in a way that she admitted she couldn't even to Jihyun at least once. Jumin and V have seemingly always had a tendency to undershare and Rika, as the person closest to them, definitely knew that. So she and Jumin developed this weird little friendship where they were both closer to V than they were to each other, but neither of them could quite confide in him the way they could to one another. She was also one of very few people (especially pre-RFA) who never saw him as just his talent, his position, his wealth. He liked that she saw the ugly parts of him too. She made him feel comfortable and free. He could just be Jumin, not C&R's Jumin Han, you know?

But it’s important to remember when thinking about them that Rika was very likely the first time anyone had ever talked like this with Jumin, and really tried to get him to dig deeper into his own emotions in a way that wasn’t belittling. Jumin represses and has always repressed. He had always tucked feelings he found inconvenient away ASAP, hidden even from himself. But Rika saw him as a person, and intentionally or not she tapped into the parts of Jumin that he tried to hide away and gave him an outlet nobody else had ever really allowed him. It became something that he associated with her and her alone.

I wanted to avoid just throwing big VN chunks in here but this one in particular is so important to deducing their relationship, so I am just going to put the standout parts here ->

Now the thing with Rika is that, the way I see it, it can be difficult to determine what is genuine with her and what isn’t. She didn't have anything to gain from specifically Jumin the way others did, but Rika has this fundamental need for people to see her as good and honest, and she needs to be admired even when she doesn't truly believe she deserves it (or otherwise when she doesn’t truly deserve it). The situation with Saeran aside I don't think that she takes to explicitly or purposefully lying much, but outside of her relationship with Jihyun(?) she is a people pleaser to the highest degree because she seeks constant reassurance that she is not completely evil.

This exchange, for example, has always felt incredibly off to me

because there is something in it that subtly pushes Jumin into a corner in what can be easily interpreted as attempt to seek validation. It happens in a serious conversation immediately after Rika asks if he trusts her and he tells her "of course I do." It feels almost like she's testing him; trying to see how far his loyalty to both herself and V stretches. There's a very real possibility that she knew how highly he held her and attempted to use it to reassure herself. To quietly push him to make her feel desirable—lovable—perhaps? This probably isn't the only time similar occurrences popped up. I don’t think she intended to cheat, and she would have known that Jumin would never betray Jihyun like that anyway, but I do know that she felt unfulfilled with V and it’s not a stretch to say she would seek similar reassurance elsewhere. A little bit like she does with MC in V route, really.

Then there's the projection onto Elizabeth, which is in my opinion a coping mechanism not for Rika's absence specifically but rather for Jumin's general loneliness. This, obviously, was not romantic (the fact I have to clarify this is absurd but I have seen some... interesting takes over the years), but Jumin admits himself that he viewed Elizabeth like a confidant. Him turning to Elizabeth was him knowing that he could not continually go to Rika when he needed emotional support because she quite clearly expressed she wanted him to find it elsewhere, however it makes sense that he struggled to disassociate Elizabeth from Rika when Rika was the only person he felt could see him for what he really is. He was not presented with any other legitimate option. I do feel it’s quite interesting when trying to comprehend how much Rika really cared for him that she seemingly didn’t know the extent of Jumin’s emotional reliance on her.

When all is said and done though, I think that claiming Jumin was in love with Rika is both untrue and far too simple. To be honest I genuinely don't even believe Jumin himself knows how he truly felt about Rika, really. He's the king of burying his emotions and he is loyal beyond belief, so I do think that if there had been romantic feelings for her mixed up in him somewhere (which there very probably were, though a bit warped due to his aforementioned lack of perspective on healthy love) he wouldn't have let himself unpack them enough to realise that's what they were. What he did definitely do, though, was put her on a pedestal as the only woman he felt like he could legitimately trust with anything. At the point where they were the closest every woman before her had either abused him or had an ulterior motive, but Rika was unique. She wasn’t trying to get close to him for sex or connections or monetary gain. She brought out a curiosity in him that nothing and nobody else but V had been able to before. Jumin had so little real, genuine, heartfelt human connection. Of course he was going to get attached to her, but I don't think that he’s lying when he says he didn't even think about it because she was his best friend’s girlfriend. Around the time that he opens up about Rika I cannot see him intentionally lying to MC whatsoever. She was his friend. He trusted her. I actually think the way he feels about Jihyun is incredibly similar to how he felt about Rika.

As a final note, Jumin knowing the truth about V's eyes, along with the assertion that MC is "warm and soft... unlike Rika" are very intriguing. They're the main two things that suggest to me that while he admired her on the surface he quite clearly had some much deeper, more complex feelings about Rika (particularly closer to her "death"), but still chose to put his faith in Jihyun’s judgement rather than doubting Rika while she was around. I think it's very possible that after witnessing the selfless kind of care that MC provides he started to really pick up and reassess the colder side of Rika's behaviour, so to speak. Not even strictly things that happened in bad faith (she did genuinely hold RFA members highly after all), but she has a very twisted view of what is good for both herself and others, and it’s one that Jumin does not mesh with.

[ghostdice]

senior photos :3

your photography is SO PROFESSIONAL LOOKING IT TOOK ME A SEC TO REALIZE 😭

WAIT I DO KNOW THIS FJKGHKAJGHFH oh my god HELP i think the last time i heard this audio was with a funny tiktok of the re cast, if i recall correctly ashley drew luis (and ofc leon was laughing in the background)

OH THANK YOU!!! :D setting the pic up was rly funny, i didn't want my hands in the picture but also if i just had leon stand in the pic he'd be too tall so i squiiished him between the wall and the surface and he did NOT like that!!!!!

+ it was screenshotted from a video (easier for me to get multiple angles in one go) so at first you can hear me soulfully singing casual by chappell roan before i break into awful laughter at leon

[insignificantstrawberry]

it’s so great to be aware of how crazy you are. yippeeeee this behaviour is not normal give me four to sixteen weeks to figure out why then I can go “fuck!” to myself at six in the morning

[butchdykekondraki]

ok enough mouthwashing for tonite. this is frying my brain a bit* <- positive affirmation

jimmy saying that "for better or worse [he's] the captain now" is so. hhhhhhh.

[babybratzmaraj]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. (If you feel like it, no pressure.) Spread the self-love ❤️

honey i am sooo sorryyyy i meant to drop this but i kept forgetting, so i went to my ask n im doing it now!

i dont think i have 5 but i will drop some!

Look At You - i was madddd hornyyyyy bent over the tub (pause) washing my hair and i just got a idea… the idea turned into this beauty which i think is my most popular fic, i thank you all and hope to top it♥️

not a fic but honorable mention:

my poems! if you dont know i be makin poems too in my spare time here’s one: 💋♥️

back to schedule…

Agora Hills - SLUTS UNITED!!!! this the one my baby daddy called yall my sex cult😭😭 unserious as fuck. BUT!! this one i was thinking abt getting loved on on the balcony but didnt know by who? and thus he was here swooping me off my feet🥴

damn im slacking

Fairytale: Unappreciated -LOVED THIS SERIES! loved working on it and everythinggggggggg i got unmotivated bc the lack of support but who knows! i might get back into it

Grill Em’ where it allllll startedddd my first baby and i meant to yap abt how this one was created but ion feeling like being a yapperrrrr.

i dont have a fifth one sadly,(in wips i have a fuck ton)

so heres a sneak peek of one bc i feel bad.

Out of the 5 years you two have been a couple, you never asked what he saw in you, he made it known that you were the one he wanted when he first laid eyes on you, even squinted back when yall kept locking eyes.

Even though you can be much sometimes, he makes sure to reassure you, battling with your overthinking soldier that was in your head. So it took you by surprise when he picked you up off your feet and kissed you every so hungrily, like you kept his food away from him for 6 weeks and he was ready to eat.

He carried you from the kitchen to the Master bedroom, without missing a beat, he ripped the comforter off off the bed, leaving it with just silk sheets on. He placed you down softly on the bed tugging at the loosely fitted basketball shorts, you were so deep into the kiss that you forgot that you didn’t have on underwear.

another one but make it fluff that will be smut.

You shuffled your way downstairs and crossed your grass into the driveway, locking eyes with him as he looked up to see what he was hearing approach him. He smiled at you as you smiled back, waving with the bottle of water in your hand. “You can walk on it, it don’t bite!” His southern twang jumped out making you hold your legs together tighter as you walk across the lawn to him as he sat his box on the front porch. You extended your arm to hand him his water.

“Thanks,” he said, twisting the cap off taking a few gulps from it. You couldn’t tell if it was the weed or not, but the way he was drinking was turning you on, his adams’ apple moving slightly with every swallow passing by it, his muscles relaxing with the coldness spreading throughout his body. “Fuck,” he muttered, swiping his mouth with his arm, looking at you looking at him like a deer in highlights, were you looking like a pervert? possibly.

until i see yall again!💋💋

forgit to post so here’s my shit